BDSM & crj's monogamy


If you follow me on Twitter you know I’m a HUGE fan of the show Monogamy by Craig Ross Jr. that airs on the Urban Movie Channel (UMC). This is not a paid promotion, but if you are not subscribed to the UMC you need to be. With movies like John Q, All About the Benjamins and Dysfunctional Friends (starring my celebrity bestie Terrell Owens), documentaries on the Civil War, original shows like Monogamy and A House Divided, and at only $4.99 per month it is more than worth it. Let's be honest, Netflix will never have as much nor enough programming geared towards the Black community.

Side note: I’m bringing the show AGAIN as I’m writing this.

Now onto the matter at hand.

Since the character Sincere begins to open up in season 1, she's talked about the client that almost killed her. This client got off on pain. Extreme, excruciating pain, as Uncle Harvey explained to her when setting her up with the client and paying her in drugs (she was a junkie at the time). The client turned out to be old church boy Carson. Carson later admits to his wife Maggie that he used to be into an extreme form of BDSM.

Being the BDSM advocate I am, I have some serious problems with this. Really, just one problem with several sub problems. What was depicted in the show is not BDSM. You know how some people take religion and twist it for their own benefit to justify their fucked mentality and actions? That's what was done to BDSM in this show.


I cannot stress this enough. Dangling to feed someone's addiction in front of them to get them to participate in BDSM play/acts is not consent. It doesn’t matter if it's drugs, alcohol, money, safety of a loved one, the promise of affection, or the fantasy of being more than actually what is. If you have to dangle some type of carrot in front of someone to get fake/forced consent, you are a user and abuser. Even Sadists get the full consent of their play partners and agree on terms of play (what's a go and what's a hard limit).


In S2 E5, Uncle Harvey tells Sincere the client (Carson) won’t utter a single word to her. THIS IS A MAJOR VIOLATION AGAINST EVERYTHING BDSM IS. In order to discuss terms of play, in order to give and receive consent, all parties absolutely must communicate and communicate honestly and openly. You can't just jump into play without having several discussions first. A middle person or contract does not serve as or substitute for the discussions that need to be had! If communication had been had, I’m quite sure the client would have learned that Sincere was not interested in being left for damn near dead.


People in the BDSM community feel about and conduct after are differently. I know some on the left side of the slash that don’t like to give aftercare, but the ones I know will at least arrange for someone to be there to give it. Any type of Dominant is responsible for the physical and emotional state they leave their play partner or submissive in after play. Yes, the submissive bears some responsibility her too, but right now I’m focusing on Dom. No Dom should be so careless, so irresponsible as to leave their play partner practically dead after play. If medical attention is required beyond aftercare, the Dom is responsible for getting said attention. If He or She abandons the submissive knowing full damn well they are in a dire state, they are not only jeopardizing that life but they need to be put into a mental facility. That's not being a Sadist or practicing an extreme form of BDSM. That is psychotic behavior.

Listen, I love this show. I will probably binge it a few more times before they even announce when season 3 is premiering. However, I’m so sick and disgusted with the BDSM community being so negatively depicted on television, film, and in books. BDSM is beautiful. This is one of the reasons why I write the books that I do and why I couldn't keep quiet about this. We, Blacks, do not have to tear each other down or destroy families in order to get out kink on.